What do all popular people have in common?
Do they all wear the same clothes? Have the same hair? Say the same things? Of course not. There are popular people all over the world, enjoying their social status at school, work, and wherever they go. They don’t all look or act like each other–but they do all share one very crucial characteristic: people skills. Maybe they were born with them, or maybe they learned them from their family; however they got them, they have them, and you don’t. So here’s how to develop your people skills.
1. Be willing to step out of your comfort zone. If you’re not popular, it’s because you’re not comfortable doing the things that popular people tend to do–making conversation, cracking jokes, flirting, and in general, engaging people. You might be introspective, shy, or quiet, but in order to get what you want, you need to change how you interact with people. At first, that might feel like you’re being shallow or fake, but remember that being yourself is, at its core, all about knowing what you truly want out of life. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be on good terms with most people (which is what popularity really is). To be popular, you’re going to need to take a few chances (on a social level) that normally feel uncomfortable (perhaps terrifying) to you. So be prepared to be bold.
2. Be friendly. Popular people are on friendly terms with pretty much everyone–not only their peers, but also the teachers, the supervisors, the grocery store clerk, the janitor, the parents, the kids, and generally anyone who’s even the tiniest bit nice. (The only people they’re not friends with are the ones who are practically impossible to get along with.) They’re on good enough terms that they can hold a short, friendly conversation with anyone in the room. There’s no reason you can’t do that, too.
* Talk to anyone and everyone who crosses your path. Smile, say hello, and if they greet you back, ask them how they’re doing. No matter where you go, make it a habit to chat with strangers and acquaintances alike, even if it’s just for a few minutes.
* Keep it casual. Small talk is all about sticking to “safe” topics. Stay away from anything controversial, like religion or politics. By expressing your views on a controversial topic, you’re bound to be unpopular with people who disagree. Keep the topics “light”.
* Be polite. Respect people’s privacy; don’t pry. Learn to read body language so you can see when your questions are starting to make them feel uncomfortable. Don’t invite yourself anywhere, don’t brag, and don’t interrupt. In other words, don’t be annoying.
3. Stop thinking about yourself. Of all the people skills that popular individuals have, the one that none of them can do without is empathy. How well do you relate to other people? If you’re so caught up in how they perceive you that you don’t consider how they feel, then you’re being self-absorbed–not in that cocky, obnoxious sort of way, but still, your thoughts are revolving around you. Stop worrying so much about how you look, how you sound, how you compare, and start thinking about how other people are doing. Don’t try to act interesting to get other people’s attention; act interested in them. Ask them how work or school is going, how their family is doing, how that situation they mentioned a while back turned out, and so on. Then relate. Talk to them about how you or someone you know had something similar happen to them, and how they dealt with it. Find common ground.
4. Give a helping hand. Popular people don’t just know everyone–they’re on good terms with everyone. They establish those terms by helping people out, and they don’t do it in particularly noticeable ways (they’re not the martyrs or saints of society). They do little things to establish rapport (in addition to some big things, like volunteering). They offer someone a pencil when they need it. They close the neighbor’s gate when it opens after a strong wind. They hold the door open and wait for the person behind them. But most often, they listen to people when they talk, and they offer to help somehow. If you truly empathize with people, you’ll want things to work out for them. If there’s nothing you can do to help then, at the very least, let them know that you’re hoping the best for them. Here are some phrases that you’ll often hear popular people saying:
* “Well, I hope things work out. If you need anything, just call me, OK?”
* “Whoa, that’s crazy. I can’t believe he did that. Do you want me to talk to him for you?”
* “Yeah! I definitely want to go check that out. Do you want to go there together? We can split the gas that way.”
5. Be yourself. It may sound trite, but popular people live out this popular phrase. You might think that in order to be popular, you need to be attractive and talented, but–while it’s true that those qualities are more likely to make you a hit with people–there are extremely popular people who are otherwise quite average, and there are extremely good-looking and talented people who are anything BUT popular. Remember, the only thing you need in order to be popular is a good set of people skills–the remainder is all yours to mold as you see fit, regardless of what anyone else thinks.
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Do you dream of being popular and having a ton of friends? Do you want everyone to know your name? There are a lot of ways to get a reputation and be known, but if you follow these positive steps, you can be popular.
